Saturday, April 27, 2013

Reflections from a Mosque


Two and a half weeks ago, citizens around the United States and the world looked on in horror as two explosions erupted throughout Boston at the end of the city’s annual marathon. By the end of the day, three deaths and nearly three hundred injuries marked the physical scars of two pre-planted bombs along the race’s route – to say nothing of the emotional and psychological scars lingering upon the survivors. Actions like these seldom remain free from a rational response: the atmosphere of mourning and loss was quickly replaced by one of outrage and vengeance. Despite the fact that very little evidence of the attacks had yet come to light, a groundswell of unofficial attention began to be directed towards the Muslim community to hold the religion of Islam responsible for the actions of an unidentified few. Unfortunately, this mindset that presumes Islamic guilt has expanded far beyond this single circumstance to almost any manmade disaster since 9/11, reflected in a recent CNN poll showing that 47% of non-Muslim Americans believe that the values of Islam are at odds with American values– a mindset that I, until recently, shared.


Growing up in the rural town of Tehachapi, California, I can say that most of my life has been characterized by an easily accepted type of ethnocentrism: any mindset not belonging to myself or to those around me was inherently held in suspicion and doubt. This was only strengthened in high school as I began to develop a thirst for learning other worldviews purely for the purpose of apologetics, seeing different religions and beliefs as hostile to my own. While my years in college have served to almost completely temper that mindset and encourage a far more balanced curiosity, I retained a deep-seated hesitation to engage with Muslim culture because of my preconceptions. For my stretching project and for my own personal growth, therefore, I decided one day to walk into a local mosque and see what lay in store for me and my American prejudice.


Communications professor Kathryn Sorrells outlines six steps of action to approach Intercultural Praxis, or “a process of critical, reflective thinking and acting… that enables us to navigate the complex and challenging intercultural spaces we inhabit.” By the time I arrived at the mosque, I assumed that I had already inquired into my own assumptions, framed my personal background and position with regard to others, and was now approaching the fourth step of dialogue with someone not of my own culture. I had so much to learn.


My first impression as I stepped into the La Mirada Masjid was that of a student walking into a classroom: the front room was sparsely furnished with a few portable fiberglass tables, metal chairs, and a wall-mounted whiteboard. Gathered around this whiteboard were four people whom I would later come to know as a Hindi college student, a Christian African-American single mother, a middle aged Pakistani Muslim, and an elderly Indian Muslim. Although my first few steps into the room brought the attention of all four people, it quickly became apparent that the elderly Muslim man, a UCLA professor named Dr. Zia Khawaja, retained authority over the group. I had actually walked in on a private math tutoring session led by the professor free of charge – one of the many community services the mosque offers. I frankly told him that I was a nearby student interested in learning about Islam and watched as his face lit up with a smile. “First thing is,” he stated strongly in heavily accented and slightly broken English, “we do not believe in blowing people up.” I was surprised that this was the first point he would convey to me, but when I reflected back upon my own previously held assumptions, I understood why. He had been questioned by many students in the past and in all likelihood, each had brought this accusation to the forefront of their “investigation” into Islam. For my part, however, I simply waited and listened to the wizened professor.


Although I expected to be surprised at Dr. Khawaja’s theological beliefs, I was not expecting his subtle redirection of my questions. I had come to the mosque to learn about Islam, but Dr. Khawaja wanted to tell me about life. He spoke of poetry and economics and religion and gardening, all the while showing me that his worldview was far less obsessed with asserting the legitimacy of his belief system and far more concerned with being a good man to the people around him. “God gives each of us gifts, you see,” he pointed out to me for what must have been the fifth time, “and with these gifts, we can either be responsible – good people. Or bad people.” His is a collectivist viewpoint, focused on providing the most benefit to the most amount of people, regardless of race or religion or wrongs. It was a far more developed perspective on “Love your neighbor” than I have heard in many years; a perspective that he adhered to relentlessly. I later found out that Dr. Khawaja was hired by the UN out of college to design curriculums for electrical engineering programs in Cambodia, Mexico, Canada, South Korea, Italy, Nigeria, and several others countries, yet he spends his retirement giving his brilliant knowledge back to the community free of charge. This is not the decision of an extremist, but the choice of a man who seeks to serve and to love wherever and whenever he can.


As our impromptu interview began drawing to a close after an hour of conversation, Dr. Khawaja offered to give a tour of the mosque, since I had never been in one before. As we got up, the other Muslim man with us smiled and said, “Make sure he understands professor.” As Dr. Khawaja chuckled out a merry, “He will be enlightened – Don’t worry,” I felt an enormous rush of fear. I have traveled and lived in many places and in many cultures around the world, yet at that moment I felt more afraid of my friendly professor than I have in far more dangerous situations. Every movie I had watched on the War on Terror, every media commentary, every social networking post expounding upon the stereotypical Islamist extremist slammed to the front of my mind as I fought to remain some appearance of normalcy next to my new friend. Obviously, I was not attacked or kidnapped or threatened. The exchange had simply been a personal joke between two longstanding friends that I interpreted according to my own perceptions of Islam, despite the evidence before my very eyes. Rather than attack me, Dr. Khawaja led me out of the mosque and promptly invited me to a community dinner the following Friday: a chance to see more about his faith and meet the people he loved most.


As I left the mosque that day, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with the reality of my own inhibitions. I, like many others that I know, can preach the tenets of healthy intercultural behavior and conflict resolution from memory, but I cannot disregard the reality of my presuppositions and the simple truth that I have avoided Muslims because I didn’t understand them. It is far simpler to disagree with someone when you don’t understand them than to subject your own biases to scrutiny and – God forbid it – the chance of being wrong.


Last night I attended the mosque’s community dinner and felt more welcomed by its congregation than I have in many Christian churches. I was given food and water and a good seat from which to listen to several visiting “brothers” discuss the legal and societal hardships faced by the majority of Muslims in our country. Organizations such as the Muslim Legal Fund of America, the Bill of Rights Defense Committee, and Upreach focus on protecting Muslim-American citizens from the same reprisals their political enemies fear: preemptive prosecution based on profiling, unlawful surveillance, agent provocateurs and entrapment, and even the use of anonymous “Expert” witnesses used by the prosecution in a court of law. These violations aren’t justified because of the actions of a few, with whom the majority of Muslim Americans (nearly 80% according to a poll recently released by the Pew Research Center) disagree with as much as the average Christian. Yet the perception remains within our country that Muslims should be feared and treated as hostile, because “they must be out to get us.”


I sat a table squashed between Dr. Khawaja and several other new Muslim friends, all of us gorging on delicious native Pakistani food and sharing quick smiles and insights from the night. With his usual penchant for quick redirections of the conversation, Dr. Khawaja solemnly broached the recent Boston bombings: “it does not matter if you are Christian or Muslim or Jew. What matters is whether you are a good person with the responsibility God has given you. These people did not do what they did because they were Christian, or because they were Muslim. They did what they did because they were bad people.” Dr. Khawaja understands that the healing of our country requires the vulnerability of all citizens, regardless of race or gender or religion, to acknowledge wrong and strive for reconciliation and community.


Following the Boston Bombings, however, many in the United States have not reflected this advocacy for praxis, choose instead to focus hatred and aggression on underserving Muslims seeking to find a home for themselves in the “Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.” Heba Abolaban, a Syrian physician practicing in Massachusetts, faced this hatred when she took her daughter on a play date to a nearby park, where she was assaulted by a man who then proceeded to shout at her, “Fuck you. Fuck you Muslims, you are terrorists, you are the ones who made the Boston explosion.” Rather than learning from a culture that mourns over this tragedy, much of America has chosen instead to separate themselves from the “other,” the next step along the dark road to discrimination and hatred.


As I reflect upon my own experience and the cultural tornado surrounding Islam, I realize that intellectual assertions and exploration mean very little when the will to act upon them stagnates in the face of fear. I was told this project would be one that stretched me beyond my comfort zone and beyond my assumptions, but hindsight more aptly names it the Accordion Project: I was forced into myself and the preconceptions I hadn’t even realized existed before I could return to a new culture with appreciation and enthusiasm. The Muslims of La Mirada Mosque saw every human being as inherently worthy of care and service. While I believe the same, I cannot help but wonder if I truly approach every individual, whether Muslim or Christian, European or Mexican, rich or poor, homosexual or heterosexual, as equally deserving of my attention and understanding. My intellect yearns to respond with a resounding yes, but I now understand: it make take several more accordions – and extra helpings of God’s grace – for me to love my neighbor as myself. I doubt that cultural ignorance and discrimination will ever achieve complete reconciliation as long as humans remain humans, but perhaps we can move a long way towards this goal by remembering the words of a wise old man: “God gives each of us gifts, you see, and with these gifts, we can either be responsible – good people. Or bad people.”

Sunday, July 8, 2012

When Angels Sing

Approximately four hours ago, I stood before the congregation of a small church in East Anglia as the pastor asked me, "Why is mission important to you?" What follows is my answer upon much deeper reflection of the role of missions in the the Christian's life as he (or she) seeks to devote himself fully to God. "Take it as one man's reverie," as C.S. Lewis suggests, "almost one man's myth. If anything in it is useful to you, use it; if anything is not, never give it a second thought."

"Why is mission important to you?"

A significant introduction to my answer must include the personal impact of missions on my life and the lives of those I care for. Although I grew up in a Christian home, my father died when I was eight years old and my personal "drive" for a committed Christian life was more lackluster than not. It was through the loving care of Christians in my life, through their mission to the hurting, that I realized the love of God in my life. These people saw missions not limited to the plains of Africa but the pews of their church. God opened my heart to His love so that I had (and have) a deep desire to share that love with others. Missions is important to me because it is Christ's hand loving His world. His grace and loving mercy allow and inspire me to reach out to others despite my grave misgivings and disqualifications. He turns my pitiful offerings into His glory, moments of inefficacy and closed doors into eternities of faithfulness. He brings hope and "success" and "failure" and peace and intimacy.

Missions means so much and yet so little. Nothing less than every moment, every purpose, every goal, every profession, every love, every effort, every Spirit-inspired accomplishment; and nothing more than the true, powerful, humble, joyful, peaceful loving of our neighbor, from the cranky grandma sitting next to us in church, to the father of four children who lost his house years ago and now sits on the side of the street with nothing but an empty bottle for family, to the relative we cannot stand to sit in the same room with, to the child starving from lack of bread and lack of the bread of Life. God has given me a heart of compassion, of empathy, of deep care for His people whether they are lost or found. How can I sate the appetite of Eternal Love? Must my heart burst in pity? Must my mind ever condemn each moment not dedicated to others, when each pursuit of "something else" reveals itself as the highest imprecation and the lowest distraction from greater love? What matters that my body be transformed into a chalice by divine alchemy, that I be poured out for His glory and His revelation of light to the blind, if this glory and Light are indeed revealed?

The angels bathed in God's presence do not consider the worth of their crowns as they hurl them into the dust. They don't lament the dirtying of robes and pride when they collapse before the Throne. They only see Him who is the One worth seeing: their response is simply, totally, "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty!" They are enraptured, obsessed, adoring the character and actions of the LORD, and utterly ignorant (both "lack of knowledge" and "purposely ignoring") their "contributions" or "personal talents," because who cares about the angels when they stand next to God?? This is not to say that our personal futures, careers, giftings, and passions are unimportant or irrelevant or mere selfish preoccupation, for He created each of us uniquely separate and incomparably comparable in the variety of our identities, interests, intelligences, pains, pleasures, etc. But can I seriously use my distinctions as an excuse? Don't get me wrong, God puts people in different places at different times. But I cannot stand before God and declare that I haven't excused myself from His service - which I know He is calling me to - again and again and again because, "God wants something else for me right now." Or "He's working on developing my own relationship with Him before I share that love with others." Or my classic "Well I'm still afraid of doing that, and obviously if God wanted me to do it He would take away my fear." To this mental tirade, I hear the 'whelming voice of the LORD as it boils through the sky:


Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

THIS is the character of God to which the angels cry "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty!" How can I expect to grow by severing myself from Him who gives growth? He is with me. This is perhaps the most powerful statement I can make.

He (the supernatural, triune, holy, perfect, powerful, knowing, present, judging, saving God) is with (alongside, supporting, within, inspiring, empowering, teaching, guarding) me.

No music matches the strains of my soul resonating to this Truth, this marvelous beauty, this phenomena peerless in humanity's search for knowledge. "Surely this is happiness," says Charles Simeon, "to tase the love of God, to find delight in His service, and to see that we are in a measure instrumental to the imparting of this happiness to others- this, I say, is a felicity which nothing but heaven can exceed." My happiness and repose is found in His Presence. He returns our measly offerings with Divine Magnification, transforming "individual talents" into beautiful magnificences of His Glory. Do I wish to stand before God and say "By Your Grace, I have served you to my utmost. By Your Grace, I loved when hated and served when enslaved. By Your Grace, I found my Rock in intimacy with you"? Or do I wish to say, "Yeah, I saw those in need and in pain, but God, I really thought You were calling me to a good career and a good intellectual life." My disgust at this statement is only as deep as my admission of guilt, for I know I concern myself far more with being a man according to the latter than the former. I cannot ignore God's love and impact in my life; can I ignore the lack of such in those around me?

We must hold God's unquestionable desire to preach His Good News through us and our own total humility in equal weight. Even the angels circling God's Throne use two thirds of themselves (in this case, four of their six wings) to express utter humility before God and the remaining third in service to Him. We are not the ones who accomplish anything, only Christ in us. Our attitude should not be to take pride in "all the things" we have done in service for God; our attitude should be, "Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty!"

I distract myself from Him by assuming that it's not my job to "foist" God upon others. I cannot force "my truth" upon people who have "their own." I am not nearly wise enough to know when (or if) someone cannot or should not hear the Gospel, but I am wise enough to know that selfless, compassionate, serving love is true regardless of pasts, personalities, and part-truths. I believe that God's work in our lives and His message through Christ applies to anyone and should be shared as the ultimate expression of Love, but I also know that my duty begins with loving my brothers and sisters where they are at by God's Grace.

Wow Sean, what a perfectly moderate statement! To acknowledge the reality of a vaguely pleasurable, mostly accommodating, rarely sacrificial love. How simple! How easy! No need to offend or challenge; just need to "love others."

But if I have learned anything about love, I have learned that it is at its best when it is gritty and painful and mind-blowingly obnoxious; when it refuses to "let us be" and instead sticks a pin up a very unfortunate hole to move us into active, growing relationship. Our friendships stagnate equally with lack of conflict providing opportunities to grow as with lack of common interest. How much more our love? So when I say I will love you as Christ has loved me, I say I will, by His Grace, help you to heal as much as challenge you, comfort and encourage you as much as debate with you and frustrate you. I may not have a "right" (whatever that means) to assume I know how to "fix" you, and by all means I don't want to know. What I know is that God's grace is where it begins. I don't concern myself that you're liberal or libertarian, Catholic or Buddhist, gay or straight. I concern myself whether you understand when I say "He is with me," and I am concerned that I am loving your properly.

I have felt the words of Bishop Thomas Wilson when he shared, "He will also understand that the love of Christ, and the remembrance of His death, ought to be very dear to us; and that the oftener we remember it in the manner ordained, the more graces we shall receive from God, the firmer will be our faith, the surer our pardon, and the more comfortable our hopes of meeting Him, not as an enemy, but as a Friend, at whose Table we have been so often entertained." And God birthed in us the desire and the means to share that with others.

Mission is not sporadically throwing in $5 to the missionaries in your church (though again, don't misunderstand me, support is certainly a part of the gospel [See Philippians]) out of a guilty conscience, nor is it deciding haphazardly to travel to India (usually). It is devotion to God daily, following His leading, listening to His Truth in a world that spurns it. Mission is taking that Truth and living it faithfully, mostly erratically and imperfectly, but still gracefully, powerfully, lovingly, by God's Spirit and by His grace. Without using our freedom in His mission to pursue our own ends, let our mission be to worship the LORD in every moment, every heartache, every trial, to sing with the hymnist:

"Be Thou my Vision, O LORD of my heart.
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art."

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Mirror

How can I fail? “I must not fail.” To be worthy, I must prove my worth.
But I fail. And I hide:
Walls of confidence, towers of sarcastic humor, and moats of “I’m doing great!”
guard my beating reality, under siege from a relentless opponent.
An aching heart, an abandoned friend, a failing brother…
people I see every day, these I unhesitatingly accept for their true worth.
I do not see their failure; I see God’s image and purpose,
melded in the most beautiful of patterns, somehow more gorgeous in each unique
portrait.
But my own emotional mirror looms, cracked by self-loathing and stained with guilt, revealing my doubt, my fear, my hatred; screaming
“Shame!”

…Shame. How can I forgive myself? How can I love myself? How can I fail?


The battle intensifies; each shaft and barb of my worthy foe pointed at my
soul-- “NO!”
I won’t let go; of what gives me my “strength.” Of what defines me….
I won’t let go.
Of who I am, I’ve lost sight after a lifetime of being my own handyman.
But now my walls are crumbling; How do I repair them again?

Who am I? Remove this guiltless guilt and driving excellence, break me down--
“NO!” not like that. Anything but that.
But now I must trust. Now I must believe. My toolbox is empty,
“God, what have I done?”
My walls are gone, my towers destroyed, my moat evaporated.
Like a crusading army, He has pillaged my treasure: my beating reality.
Just heal them; I’ll be fine. Lies.
What I have always known to be right seems wrong, and what seems wrong I do.
I am monstrosity, vice, greed, hubris, storming in endless circles--
“Shame!”

…Shame. How could I love others? Who am I?


A man’s castle is his home, so they say. And I am homeless.
Prostrate in the reeking mud of my own afflictions: my own affections.
I must let go; of what gives me my “strength.” Of what defines me….
I must let go.
Of who I am, give me sight; they tell me You are the only Handyman.
Prove it then; I’ve let go. What is my reality?


“We are not how good we are,
We are not our failures;
Our identity is as children of Yours:
The Beloved.”


The mud still surrounds me, my entourage of filth.
But on my knees, I stand higher than I ever did on my feet.
I am crushed…. by hope. Defeated, broken, slain…. By love.
I hear my Savior say, “Thy strength indeed is small.
Child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in me, thine all in all.”


Who am I? You removed this guiltless guilt and driving excellence, break me down--
“Finally!” I surrender.
Now I trust. Now I believe. I am Your toolbox.
You sealed her heart. “God, how did you do that?”
My walls are gone, my towers destroyed, my moat evaporated.
Like a glorious chorus, His shining army presents His treasure: His beating Reality.
What I have always know to be right, was; but life hurts.
I am broken, forgiven, rebuilt, and named:
“God is gracious.”

….God is gracious. That is who I am.

How can I fail? “I will always fail.” But by choice not act, I have been found worthy.
I fail. And I hide.
But my God is my castle. He is my hiding place.
My beating reality is dead; His beating Reality has already died:
Been there, done that, no need to die again.
An aching heart, an abandoned friend, a failing brother…
people I see every day, these I unhesitatingly accept for their true worth.
I do not see their failure; I see God’s image and purpose,
melded in the most beautiful of patterns, somehow more gorgeous in each unique
portrait.
I turn to my mirror, cleansed and reflective as the best of friends.
I am His, and none others. Joy wells from the springs of my heart, Screaming--

It is well.


I will not boast in anything,
No gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and resurrection.

Why do you run?